feels like a dad...

i had to take care my cousin for a while but then, i got the feeling of being a father...
scolding them, showing them what to do and ever change diaper...

well, the unfun part is that they are so noisy...

well, they quarrel a lot and then one of them would start to cry...

Lone and again

i just came back from the beach actually, well driving for half an hour to get there wasn't really convenience. but still, its a place i need to go...

i need to feel it...

but then, in the end...

2nd day

well, today wasn't really bad cause i got to buy the jeans that i wanted...
also got to buy some other stuff...

well, i still need to be careful with my budget as i sill got other plans for my money...

hm... hope i can withstand from overspending...

Kimi to no Ashita

well, after searching for the lyrics, no wonder it hits me....

Original / Romaji Lyrics	English Translation
Guuzen jya nai futari deaeta no wa Zutto mae kara kimatteta unmei	It was no coincidence that we met For it's a destiny decided since long ago.
Me wo tojiru tabi sora wo miageru tabi ni Maboroshi no you na ano hibi ga yomigaeru	Whenever I close my eyes, whenever I look up at the sky, Memories of those mirage-like days come back to life.
Michi wa susumu tabi ni tooku naru Dakedo aruku yo kono mama	The end of the path grows further away with each step, But I will keep on walking just like this.
Hitotsu mo nokosazu wasuretakunai yo Yasashii kotoba mo aishita hitomi mo Shinjite ii yo ne? Mou ichido aeru to Namida wa sore made nagasanai kara	I don't want to forget you completely without a trace Not your gentle and kind words, nor those eyes that I loved. May I go on believing that we would meet once again? For that's the only way to stop the tears from flowing.
Guuzen jya nai futari deaeta no wa Zutto mae kara kawaranai unmei	It was no coincidence that we met For it's a destiny unchanged since long ago.
Kokoro kara kimi to mou ichido waraiaitai Kesshite kanawanu yume demo	With all my heart, I wish I could laugh with you once more. Even if it's a dream that'll never come true.
Watashi ni wa mieru kimi to no ashita ga Kimi ni mo wakaru yo itsu datte sou Kanarazu mamoru yo yakusoku shita kara Kanashii toki ni wa soba ni itai yo	I can see a tomorrow belonging to you and me And you see it too, don't you? For it has always been so. I'll guard you without fail, because I have promised to. I want to be at your side in times of sorrow too.
Guuzen jya nai futari deaeta no wa Zutto mae kara yume miteta unmei	It was no coincidence that we met For it's a destiny I see in dreams, since long ago.

well, thinking of it also makes me touched...
can you really live without the one you love???
how long are you willing to tell yourself that you would see that person again???
even if she lost forever???

Kimi to no Ashita

wonder what that mean actually, but i'm still learning japanese so forgive me...
its actually the ending song for the anime fate/stay night...
the song was aired at the very last episode at it is very sad...

I love that songs because its kinda gave me this feeling of experiencing it...

i like the anime because... well, first the heroin is beautiful plus she rocks... totally...
second, the story is quite good although they change some of the history
(the heroin is called arthuria, king arthur is a girl???) plus they also have legendary heroes such as hercules and gilgamesh...

ah... reminds me of history lesson and also fairy tale books that i read...
man, i love history...

but still, the song touches me although i don't know why, but it always seem like the song hits me hard...

you can try look at it it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMTIDKVFa4M.
the video is not original but hear the music.

Langkawi trip

well, i arrive at langkawi yesterday only 2 find that the place which was suppose to serve the best cendol turn out to be the worst i've had...

nothing much to do since it was the first day plus i had to drive from temeloh to Lcct before going on the plane...

plan on going around today after solat Jumaat...

hope i can do some survey for my next trip to langkawi and next time with my friends....

Tale

This is a story of a boy who fell in love with a girl that later became a part of his life purpose...
Although he loved the girl, he could never find the words that he could say t0 him...he just kept his feeling inside...
For 2 years he lived by keeping his feeling until the time the had to depart...
He told her his love but rejected... Frustrated and desperate, he tried to push her over to accept but in the end, he was the one getting pushed away from her....

Now, he wanted to forget, but can he forget it. 3 years after the rejection, he still longs for her...

it's weird when you know that the person that you want is with the odd of 1 over 500 people..

but then, its a relieve that you know the person of your dream existed with an odd of 1 over 1M...

but there is a question, given the person that you fall for and a girl of your dream falling for you, which should you pick???


which would you chase, the girl that you fall for or the girl of your dream???

Fantasies only

Have you ever had an idea of making up stories about you and the person that always be in your mind???

Although lame, but that's one of the way for you to always remember that person...

i've always made up stories for every people that i really cared about but then, it would never got out from my head until it is forgotten...

every time i wanted to record it, disaster would happen that would eventually leave me devastated and dying...

it's good to really care about someone, but then the pain...

Change of heart

i tried using someone else to change this deep thought inside me...
but then, it stroke me too much rather than sooth me...

now the face has drove me more and more toward the cliff of never ending insanity...

i'm losing my focus, i'm losing my mind(if i have any part of it left), i'm losing myself...

how does this happen to me...?

What's next...

What would you feel when your sanity has lost and every inch of hope that you hold on seems that it never even existed...

When the people that you put everything into never gave you any that you want to...


After the sanity lost, whats left of me is this craze...

I've become more and more crazy...

My heart has become an empty hole...
with nothing only darkness, emptiness, sadness, and loneliness...

Its getting harder bearing it...Can someone end it???
Can I just forget it???

Can I just 'get over it'?

Should I just walk away from it..

Maki???

Well, i know that i really love japanese anime, but now i started to like watching japanese drama as well..
thanks to her, mostly....

She is so kawaiii.........

man i'm dreaming...

Sanity???

Can it be lost when you are walking through the deepest, darkest side of your heart???

Should it be reserved so that you won't lose control on yourself???

Would you discard it after holding into it, chained with it to keep you from being mad???

What can happen if it just flew away, away from you???

or If it is taken forcefully without your will???

What Would happen If that Should happen??? That Can happen!!!

Shift

i tried again after a while i stopped...
the best cure for heart broke maybe time... just maybe...

some says shift your attention to other...
will it work, i don't know but i'l try....

Maybe???

Because of my heartbreak it felt this way???

Because of my loneliness, my thought got away from me???


Because my own thinking, I closed my senses???

Because i never see myself deeply, I lost it forever???

Leave Me!!! Let It be!!

it pains more to feel than just to see that people sometimes would be more selfish as you become aware to it....

and most of the time it takes more than you can handle to see it through...

would cry to see that when people that you even care can turn their back away??

would you walk thousands of miles just to see the one you love??

would you give everything for only their care???

would you CHOOSE between friends ad love???

I can only say YES for only three...

The rest they will determine themselves....

Come to me love

I've remember a song from evanescence:

"Hold on to me love....
You know i can't stay long...
All i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid...."

Well, for a moment it sound a bit like an idiot fall to much in love with the loved one...
Not knowing that i am one of the idiot that fall in love with a girl that can never be mine....
Slowly, i've kept this feeling, and now i can never let it go...
Should i let it go??
Should i just walk away??