Would it be enough?

"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. ONE"


- City of Angels-
-Seth-


Quoted from an old movie, the main character, Nicholas Cage sacrifices his exalted life as an angel to be with his beloved even just for one moment.

I had been asked before, would I sacrifice everything for just a moment with your precious person?

Would it be enough for you o have just a moment with you precious after throwing away everything you have?

I never know the answer now, but what I'm sure of, I would know what to chose when the time comes.

Avoiding virtual stalker???

I've been asked about what should be done if being stalked on the net. Mostly on social networking service such as friendster, myspace and facebook.

Well, I think there are a few tips that I may be share although I'm not a fan of social networking...

1. Private profile
In social networking, you can adjust the setting of your profile, as easy as you want, just tighten the setting for privacy in your profile setting..

2. Identify the stalker.
If you are still being stalked, this mean that the stalker is among your friends. Identify and collect information on the stalker. It is important to know the reason, either for love or revenge.

3. Just kick them out
If the stalker caused to much problem in your social networking profile, you can always kick them out. For god sake, you are in control of your profile. If the stalker is one of your close friend, you can always reason with hm/her.

- For those who persistent in stalking you, just call the cops -

Choose??

Sitting in my house, doing almost nothing kinda boring...
Well, hopefully I can start working next week...
However,many things are still going inside this empty head of mine...
Among all of them, there's a question that I wanted to ask myself as well...

"Who would I choose if both of them were in front of me??? Sarah or Moonchild?"

I am still thinking about that, although it has been issued to me for almost 3 weeks, yet I still can't decide...

If I choose either one, would the love that I gave to the not chosen became a lie???
Would those feeling of love be just a feeling of that fills in my abandoned heart??

Would it be fair, for me to choose?? To love knowing that my feeling is uncertain???

To much thinking, guess this what happen when you got insomnia....

4th Semester is out

I'm now in my final year...
Just wanted to say that out loud, still there are many things that I should be concern of...
I'll start living outside the college, learning av, flash ah man... Its gonna get really busy...
Many things happen and many things could be done yet not done during this 4th semester...

Yet, this small head of mine still thinking of what would happen if all could be done, and this tiny heart also prays that all would be done for the next term...

I'll be working during the holidays, but for now maybe I'll be taking a few days break. I need to reset my biological clock. I've been living like a bat, sleeping during the day and keep staying on at night...

I need to change this habit soon...

Friend...

Regarding my older post with lines quoted from the movie heart of atlantis, I would tell the days when my heart started to break into two...

I am a coward, afraid to move forward to the future...
I am an idiot, for not letting go of the past...
I am selfish, to keep things as it is...
I am alone...

During my elementary school, I was such a crybaby. Although I have a large body, my heart was smaller than then ant's. I never knew how to stood for myself, left to be bullied by others with stronger heart. Yet, the world was still beautiful to be embraced by me as a child. Each days were filled with wonders and most of all, friendship.

The days that seems a bit uncertain however enjoyable was moving fast, waiting for no one even I to be more matured. During my early youth, I had always cling to only one person whom I had regarded as my best friend. I never knew what to do, and he seems to knew everything that is needed to be done. I would always cling to him, and as a child hoping that it would last forever...

Yet, life is cruel. In my early secondary years, both of us was offered to a boarding school near our city. As it implies, we had to leave our home and stay in hostel. Although I was looking forward to enroll in the school because my older brother studied there before, I never knew that everything would change.

Although hard, I tried my best to adapt. With the schedule which was a bit inconvinient for me, I struggle to like the school. Him however, had already hated to be in the school. I still remember the things that he said. He wanted to quit, transfer to an ordinary school. He miss his family. He hated the schedule. Everything he had told me. He even went to the counselor to have a session.

As the person close to him, I started to loathe the school as well. Changed my class to be with him. Meeting with people who seems so mean and matured. As I myself still trapped in my childish sides. We even promised each other to get out from the school and be in ordinary highschool together.

Yet, life is cruel. After hard time persuading my parent, I finally got out from that school. However, I was sent away by my parent to study in a school at my grandparent house. It was not what I hoped yet what sadden me the most, when I talked again with my friend. He decided to stay. Not to transfer as he said he would.

It was painful to bear, I was left alone. Abandoned by those who was near. Yet became too far. He was the one influencing me to leave yet he stays. I had gave part of my future to him. And I felt abandoned because of him. Still, I kept the innocent days we were together. It is painful however, that made by heart bleed as I remember each days that we went through.

In the end, I'm just a friend... Nothing more than ordinary friend...

p.s: I'm telling this for you winged....

Clover...

Life is but the greatest wonders and perhaps the biggest mystery. As the world progressed in the advancement of technology, some still hold to their belief. Things such as keeping a rabbit foot as a goodluck charm, breaking a mirror would bring misfortune, and walking under a ladder would bring bad luck still has their own believer.

However, the one that attracts me the most would be the four-leaves clover. It is said that the person who found it would be lucky. To me, finding the four-leaves clover themselves are luck.

To find a four-leaves clover in a cloverfield is hard as usually clover has three leaves. However, finding it would certainly gave us something special inside, hope. Same as miracle, it gave us the feeling of everything would be better, giving comfort for those who need it.

And for me, a four-leaves clover is one of the sincere gift that can be given to a person. To find it unintentionally is luck, however for those who search for it would give their effort to find it. Unlike roses that can be bought or planted, we never knew in which part of a cloverfield would the four-leaves clover be. And through those effort, lies sincerity.


Clover... Has a gift of their own. To us...

I've always missed the time called childhood. The time were strangers can be the closest to us. The time when age, gender or names wasn't the boundary for us. The time that we can be whoever we wanted to be. Even with constrain, yet we were free to do almost anything without thinking of its consequences.

As we grow older, we started to think more than doing. We started to worry of the consequence of our action than enjoying what we were doing. We started to care how people see us than what we really want to be.

Sometimes we ignore it, yet sometimes it can be heard. The tears of our heart, the wailing of becoming something that are not what we are.

I used to dream of becoming a scientist. As time goes by, the dream started to fade away. And now, I am one of the people that follows what is laid before me rather than struggling to have what I dreamt of. I could hear the sound of my heart crying yet, I never knew what to do, as I always do.




"You know, when you're young...
...you have moments
of such happiness...
...you think you're living
in someplace magical...
...like Atlantis must have been.
Then we grow up...
...and our hearts break in two."
-Heart In Atlantis-

Can You Forget?

I met a friend who was deeply in trouble. In short, the problem was LOVE..
Ah.... the 4 letter words that would even shake the heart of a king...
The word that would even weaken a vicious warrior...
Although there are many types of love, one may not hide from it or even run from having it.

Then I was asked a few question:
"Can you forget the person you love?"
"Can you hate someone you love?"
"What would you do if you are in love?"

Well, each question was hard to answer as I have my own problems regarding love.

But these are the answers that I could think of right now:

I have never forget each girl that I was in love to. Even if each time when I fell in love, it was one-sided. When I lose the first one that I think I was in love with, every reason for me to continue living was gone. As if taken along by her leaving me alone. However I kept on loving her until I met a girl that was able to shake the feeling I was keeping. Yet, I was afraid to fall deeply in love with her because I still could not forget the first girl. And it would be unfair for her to be loved half-hearted by me. However, I regretted that action as she may be able to mend this broken heart, repair this broken soul. And now, she has also gone from my life. Still, a piece of my heart still yearn to be love by her. I never forget both of them as I know I am still in love with them.

I would never hate the one I love. As tormented my heart and soul was, I could never hate them. being in love with them was blissful, full of beautiful wonders althought the pain was excruciating for even I to bear. Yet, could not hate them. It made me in love with them more than before.

I am still in love, however I never knew what should I do...
Was I right to let her be by herself, enjoying her life without me???
Was I wrong to try invade her life once more?
Should I continue to chase her, to have her in my embrace??
or should I just let it remains as it is now??

I never knew....

Being Stalked??

For those who are being stalked by someone annonymous or known, there are several ways to loose yourself from the stalker:

1. Change of schedule and places.
Try changing the place you usually hang out or the time that you have constantly following. If you were stalked before, the place you hang out may be used by the stalker to try meeting you 'accidently'. This goes for your schedule.

2. Get a new phone number temporarily.
Getting a new phone doesn't mean you have to discard your old one. Use the new number temporarily for your ordinary usage for a short while, maybe 2-3 months. Only gave this new number for official use or maybe closest friends. And try to keep it as secret as you can. If you have been compromised than change back to your old number. It may be troublesome, but you can avoid most unwanted disturbance.

3. Try to know who the stalker.
Know the reason why you are being stalked. Apparently, if you are a cool guy you would have more stalker than you know. However, once you know the stalker, you can be even cooler by dealing with that person appropriately.

4. Turn the situation.
Turn the situation from being stalked into being a stalker. It may sound funny, but you can teach the stalker of the disturbance when being stalked. However, do not go over the limit as you may be addicted to doing it.

In Love??

Once I asked a friend,what does it feel to be in love??
Would you feel happy to see your loved one as if your heart would burst...
Longing for seeing or feel the warm embrace...
Jealousy over small conversation with others...
Satisfied by only looking into her eyes although the world turns you down...
Reminiscing her face, remembering her every second you breath...

His answer was simple:
"It's differ for every people as we are different"

As I go along, I see that he was true....
Not everyone is the same...
Not every relationship has the same basis...
Yet I still couldn't understand...

How is it to be in love???

Does this feeling of wanting her is love??
Does this feeling of satisfaction for breathing the same air, wanders the same earth, looking at the same moon is love???
Was the longing of meeting, wanting to be embrace by her is love???
Feeling of my heart beating unnaturally in front of her is love???
Or just satisfied by her just remembering me, is it love???

Was it all love or just a feeling??

How'd You Think??

When the air you started to breathe is no longer as air...
When the food you consume can no longer fill you...
The path you take doesn't even bother you...
Your heart that beats doesn't seems to suit you...
The feeling that have you kept so long suddenly disappears
The friends you known before had become stranger...
The sight you see are blurry...
you senses started to go of...

What more does it take, as you are already fallen deeper into the abbyss of your own dark heart...
What can be done?? What shall be done if you are.....

Alone...

Forgotten by those you wish would remember, yet not forsaken....

Perhaps Love???

I confessed to someone today, yet what I really wanted wasn't there...
The feeling of relieve that I hope after spitting those words weren't there...
Why??? Instead, both my mind and heart are more cloudier than before...
Have i forgotten who I loved before??
Am I confused with whom does my love belongs to???
Who is it??? Who am I in love with??
The answer is vague, yet I need to know to continue my pathetic walk in this rotten yet wonderful world..

I can't breathe, I am suffocating.. I can't see properly, these images have appreared and haunting me... I can't feel...

This made me remembered a song Mariah Carey:
"Can't live, if living is without you,
Can't breath, can't breath anymore"

I'm missing someone, or that someone is a part of me...