Forgotten Yet Not Forsaken

working!!!

2011-07-26T03:46:00.001-07:00

although my studies has ended, but i'm still busy because of work..
and i haven't been writing anything for a long time..
damn, i envy those who can write their blog daily..

2011-01-09T01:57:00.000-08:00

I have always seeing this story in my dreams and my wake. Yet, I could never find the words, ways and courage to let the story unfold...

Slowly but surely, I would be able to tell the whole story...

Let a small piece of the the whole story be told...

2010-11-23T02:56:00.000-08:00

My pleas to the night, let it be dark...
So the darkness that are shrouding me would never be seen...
So that they would never seen what monster lies beneath...

My pleas to the night, let only the moon shines...
Let no stars twinkling on the night sky...
Let no light would engulf me except for the moon's...

My pleas to the light, let me be...
Let me indulge in the dark that numbs me...
Let me be inside this addictive darkness...
Waiting....

The distance of time....

2010-11-15T23:37:00.000-08:00

Once I watched an anime, Voice of a Distant Star. A story of two person that have somewhat mutual relationship with each other but with a distance of light years. As the girl moves away from him, the longer each messages that she sent takes to reach him.
Now, I can also feel part of what they feel. Being away just for a moment can also change a lot of things, I for certain felt that I'm a stranger in my own home...

2010-11-14T08:28:00.000-08:00

Fortress of solitude: a place whom I can isolate myself, away from others that are important and loved by me. A place where I would sit, stare and starts to blame myself for every mistakes that happen, every pain that others feel, and every incidents that may I have already dream of before it happen.

Are the color of our soul is definite?

2010-11-14T08:22:00.000-08:00

Bright, gloom, faded, many words can describe what your soul is painted with.
Unlike skins, hair and faces, we can never see it clearly until we fully understand our own self and reflect towards other action.

I've always reflected on my own ignorance, disobedience, pitiful self as I walk in this narrow corridor of my life.

Yet, The color always swayed away, changed by the situation that I'm in.
Which made me wonder, are the color of our soul is definite?

Distance of Time...

2010-08-07T08:08:00.000-07:00

I was away from home for 3 weeks, and the next thing I knew was...
My father sold his Mitsubishi Storm...

It aches me more when I know that the car was gone the day before yesterday...
The trip home this time made me more aware, I'm becoming more of a stranger in my own home...
This may be what growing seems to be...
But what is this feeling of discontent, hollow inside me??
Masking my intuition, leaving me lost without direction...

Quote?

2010-07-31T12:27:00.000-07:00

"Hidup tidak sentiasa disuluh mentari, beratapkan bulan. Kerna awan masih ada"

life doesn't always lighted by sun, covered with moon. Cloud has always been there.

Miracles and Hope

2010-07-31T12:20:00.000-07:00

Consumed by the loneliness and my own darkness, I often reflect on what have been happening around me these past years...

Miracles come and go as life continues to ticks with each second...

I've had few miracle, which I've tried cherishing it until it go..

Yet still hoping for another right now.

It's painful to hold back to hope when it disappointed you countless time yet hope is what you got...

It is painful..

Goodbye Home

2010-07-01T06:39:00.000-07:00

Semester break ended and new semester starts by Saturday... I'll be leaving to Melaka tomorrow along with my motorcycle handed down by my father.. Sorry, no pictures.. The bike which was left alone to rot for more than a year has been repaired and now looks better than before... Yet, I have forgotten how to ride that motorcycle since I've been using my brother scooter during this holiday.. Back to topic, I've been working my ass out this whole break, yet I still think its not enough... Not just the money that is.. But, maybe because I've been doing it regularly, the routine itself became part of me... Hmmm... Wonder what would happen next.. Now, leaving my home I'll be living with my new housemates... Wonder what surprises can I give them.. Hopefully the gas kitchen that I'll be bringing would be enough... Heh...

Would it be enough?

2010-05-30T05:10:00.000-07:00

"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. ONE"

- City of Angels-
-Seth-

Quoted from an old movie, the main character, Nicholas Cage sacrifices his exalted life as an angel to be with his beloved even just for one moment.

I had been asked before, would I sacrifice everything for just a moment with your precious person?

Would it be enough for you o have just a moment with you precious after throwing away everything you have?

I never know the answer now, but what I'm sure of, I would know what to chose when the time comes.

Avoiding virtual stalker???

2010-05-15T17:46:00.000-07:00

I've been asked about what should be done if being stalked on the net. Mostly on social networking service such as friendster, myspace and facebook.

Well, I think there are a few tips that I may be share although I'm not a fan of social networking...

1. Private profile
In social networking, you can adjust the setting of your profile, as easy as you want, just tighten the setting for privacy in your profile setting..

2. Identify the stalker.
If you are still being stalked, this mean that the stalker is among your friends. Identify and collect information on the stalker. It is important to know the reason, either for love or revenge.

3. Just kick them out
If the stalker caused to much problem in your social networking profile, you can always kick them out. For god sake, you are in control of your profile. If the stalker is one of your close friend, you can always reason with hm/her.

- For those who persistent in stalking you, just call the cops -

Choose??

2010-05-15T17:36:00.000-07:00

Sitting in my house, doing almost nothing kinda boring...
Well, hopefully I can start working next week...
However,many things are still going inside this empty head of mine...
Among all of them, there's a question that I wanted to ask myself as well...

"Who would I choose if both of them were in front of me??? Sarah or Moonchild?"

I am still thinking about that, although it has been issued to me for almost 3 weeks, yet I still can't decide...

If I choose either one, would the love that I gave to the not chosen became a lie???
Would those feeling of love be just a feeling of that fills in my abandoned heart??

Would it be fair, for me to choose?? To love knowing that my feeling is uncertain???

To much thinking, guess this what happen when you got insomnia....

4th Semester is out

2010-05-10T17:20:00.000-07:00

I'm now in my final year...
Just wanted to say that out loud, still there are many things that I should be concern of...
I'll start living outside the college, learning av, flash ah man... Its gonna get really busy...
Many things happen and many things could be done yet not done during this 4th semester...

Yet, this small head of mine still thinking of what would happen if all could be done, and this tiny heart also prays that all would be done for the next term...

I'll be working during the holidays, but for now maybe I'll be taking a few days break. I need to reset my biological clock. I've been living like a bat, sleeping during the day and keep staying on at night...

I need to change this habit soon...

Friend...

2010-05-08T20:13:00.000-07:00

Regarding my older post with lines quoted from the movie heart of atlantis, I would tell the days when my heart started to break into two...

I am a coward, afraid to move forward to the future...
I am an idiot, for not letting go of the past...
I am selfish, to keep things as it is...
I am alone...

During my elementary school, I was such a crybaby. Although I have a large body, my heart was smaller than then ant's. I never knew how to stood for myself, left to be bullied by others with stronger heart. Yet, the world was still beautiful to be embraced by me as a child. Each days were filled with wonders and most of all, friendship.

The days that seems a bit uncertain however enjoyable was moving fast, waiting for no one even I to be more matured. During my early youth, I had always cling to only one person whom I had regarded as my best friend. I never knew what to do, and he seems to knew everything that is needed to be done. I would always cling to him, and as a child hoping that it would last forever...

Yet, life is cruel. In my early secondary years, both of us was offered to a boarding school near our city. As it implies, we had to leave our home and stay in hostel. Although I was looking forward to enroll in the school because my older brother studied there before, I never knew that everything would change.

Although hard, I tried my best to adapt. With the schedule which was a bit inconvinient for me, I struggle to like the school. Him however, had already hated to be in the school. I still remember the things that he said. He wanted to quit, transfer to an ordinary school. He miss his family. He hated the schedule. Everything he had told me. He even went to the counselor to have a session.

As the person close to him, I started to loathe the school as well. Changed my class to be with him. Meeting with people who seems so mean and matured. As I myself still trapped in my childish sides. We even promised each other to get out from the school and be in ordinary highschool together.

Yet, life is cruel. After hard time persuading my parent, I finally got out from that school. However, I was sent away by my parent to study in a school at my grandparent house. It was not what I hoped yet what sadden me the most, when I talked again with my friend. He decided to stay. Not to transfer as he said he would.

It was painful to bear, I was left alone. Abandoned by those who was near. Yet became too far. He was the one influencing me to leave yet he stays. I had gave part of my future to him. And I felt abandoned because of him. Still, I kept the innocent days we were together. It is painful however, that made by heart bleed as I remember each days that we went through.

In the end, I'm just a friend... Nothing more than ordinary friend...

p.s: I'm telling this for you winged....

Clover...

2010-05-08T09:50:00.000-07:00

Life is but the greatest wonders and perhaps the biggest mystery. As the world progressed in the advancement of technology, some still hold to their belief. Things such as keeping a rabbit foot as a goodluck charm, breaking a mirror would bring misfortune, and walking under a ladder would bring bad luck still has their own believer.

However, the one that attracts me the most would be the four-leaves clover. It is said that the person who found it would be lucky. To me, finding the four-leaves clover themselves are luck.

To find a four-leaves clover in a cloverfield is hard as usually clover has three leaves. However, finding it would certainly gave us something special inside, hope. Same as miracle, it gave us the feeling of everything would be better, giving comfort for those who need it.

And for me, a four-leaves clover is one of the sincere gift that can be given to a person. To find it unintentionally is luck, however for those who search for it would give their effort to find it. Unlike roses that can be bought or planted, we never knew in which part of a cloverfield would the four-leaves clover be. And through those effort, lies sincerity.

Clover... Has a gift of their own. To us...

2010-05-08T03:56:00.000-07:00

I've always missed the time called childhood. The time were strangers can be the closest to us. The time when age, gender or names wasn't the boundary for us. The time that we can be whoever we wanted to be. Even with constrain, yet we were free to do almost anything without thinking of its consequences.

As we grow older, we started to think more than doing. We started to worry of the consequence of our action than enjoying what we were doing. We started to care how people see us than what we really want to be.

Sometimes we ignore it, yet sometimes it can be heard. The tears of our heart, the wailing of becoming something that are not what we are.

I used to dream of becoming a scientist. As time goes by, the dream started to fade away. And now, I am one of the people that follows what is laid before me rather than struggling to have what I dreamt of. I could hear the sound of my heart crying yet, I never knew what to do, as I always do.

"You know, when you're young...
...you have moments
of such happiness...
...you think you're living
in someplace magical...
...like Atlantis must have been.
Then we grow up...
...and our hearts break in two."
-Heart In Atlantis-

Can You Forget?

2010-05-07T11:38:00.000-07:00

I met a friend who was deeply in trouble. In short, the problem was LOVE..
Ah.... the 4 letter words that would even shake the heart of a king...
The word that would even weaken a vicious warrior...
Although there are many types of love, one may not hide from it or even run from having it.

Then I was asked a few question:
"Can you forget the person you love?"
"Can you hate someone you love?"
"What would you do if you are in love?"

Well, each question was hard to answer as I have my own problems regarding love.

But these are the answers that I could think of right now:

I have never forget each girl that I was in love to. Even if each time when I fell in love, it was one-sided. When I lose the first one that I think I was in love with, every reason for me to continue living was gone. As if taken along by her leaving me alone. However I kept on loving her until I met a girl that was able to shake the feeling I was keeping. Yet, I was afraid to fall deeply in love with her because I still could not forget the first girl. And it would be unfair for her to be loved half-hearted by me. However, I regretted that action as she may be able to mend this broken heart, repair this broken soul. And now, she has also gone from my life. Still, a piece of my heart still yearn to be love by her. I never forget both of them as I know I am still in love with them.

I would never hate the one I love. As tormented my heart and soul was, I could never hate them. being in love with them was blissful, full of beautiful wonders althought the pain was excruciating for even I to bear. Yet, could not hate them. It made me in love with them more than before.

I am still in love, however I never knew what should I do...
Was I right to let her be by herself, enjoying her life without me???
Was I wrong to try invade her life once more?
Should I continue to chase her, to have her in my embrace??
or should I just let it remains as it is now??

I never knew....

Being Stalked??

2010-05-06T16:06:00.000-07:00

For those who are being stalked by someone annonymous or known, there are several ways to loose yourself from the stalker:

1. Change of schedule and places.
Try changing the place you usually hang out or the time that you have constantly following. If you were stalked before, the place you hang out may be used by the stalker to try meeting you 'accidently'. This goes for your schedule.

2. Get a new phone number temporarily.
Getting a new phone doesn't mean you have to discard your old one. Use the new number temporarily for your ordinary usage for a short while, maybe 2-3 months. Only gave this new number for official use or maybe closest friends. And try to keep it as secret as you can. If you have been compromised than change back to your old number. It may be troublesome, but you can avoid most unwanted disturbance.

3. Try to know who the stalker.
Know the reason why you are being stalked. Apparently, if you are a cool guy you would have more stalker than you know. However, once you know the stalker, you can be even cooler by dealing with that person appropriately.

4. Turn the situation.
Turn the situation from being stalked into being a stalker. It may sound funny, but you can teach the stalker of the disturbance when being stalked. However, do not go over the limit as you may be addicted to doing it.

In Love??

2010-05-06T15:45:00.000-07:00

Once I asked a friend,what does it feel to be in love??
Would you feel happy to see your loved one as if your heart would burst...
Longing for seeing or feel the warm embrace...
Jealousy over small conversation with others...
Satisfied by only looking into her eyes although the world turns you down...
Reminiscing her face, remembering her every second you breath...

His answer was simple:
"It's differ for every people as we are different"

As I go along, I see that he was true....
Not everyone is the same...
Not every relationship has the same basis...
Yet I still couldn't understand...

How is it to be in love???

Does this feeling of wanting her is love??
Does this feeling of satisfaction for breathing the same air, wanders the same earth, looking at the same moon is love???
Was the longing of meeting, wanting to be embrace by her is love???
Feeling of my heart beating unnaturally in front of her is love???
Or just satisfied by her just remembering me, is it love???

Was it all love or just a feeling??

How'd You Think??

2010-05-05T11:38:00.000-07:00

When the air you started to breathe is no longer as air...
When the food you consume can no longer fill you...
The path you take doesn't even bother you...
Your heart that beats doesn't seems to suit you...
The feeling that have you kept so long suddenly disappears
The friends you known before had become stranger...
The sight you see are blurry...
you senses started to go of...

What more does it take, as you are already fallen deeper into the abbyss of your own dark heart...
What can be done?? What shall be done if you are.....

Alone...

Forgotten by those you wish would remember, yet not forsaken....

Perhaps Love???

2010-05-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

I confessed to someone today, yet what I really wanted wasn't there...
The feeling of relieve that I hope after spitting those words weren't there...
Why??? Instead, both my mind and heart are more cloudier than before...
Have i forgotten who I loved before??
Am I confused with whom does my love belongs to???
Who is it??? Who am I in love with??
The answer is vague, yet I need to know to continue my pathetic walk in this rotten yet wonderful world..

I can't breathe, I am suffocating.. I can't see properly, these images have appreared and haunting me... I can't feel...

This made me remembered a song Mariah Carey:
"Can't live, if living is without you,
Can't breath, can't breath anymore"

I'm missing someone, or that someone is a part of me...

2010-04-01T21:47:00.000-07:00

I've been alone walking in the street of my life. yet through that journey, i've taken lots of incorrect path because of my indecisiveness, selfishnes and immature choices that i made. And throught those mistakes, I've always seen the dark side of people. Making me beginning to doubt what are people actually...

But, as Grissom says : I love humanity, its people that I can't stand...

2010-03-29T23:38:00.000-07:00

Haven't wrote my blog for months, not that i'm really busy but i lost few of my motivation along with a few friends that leaves me...

Well, they did say that the closer they are to you, the more they can hurt you...

over this past few months, life goes on for me, attended the GACC last week even if I had to skip an important talk. But, everything was worth it. Especially when I got to see my favorite character brought to life by a cosplayer. Plus, I got to meet Sarah for two days. Thought it was short, but as I always said to my friend, it is more meaningful. Well, it is kind of good to meet people that you miss, but in this moment i really need that relieve..

Missing can be painful, but for some time ago I've been addicted to missing somebody, especially that special girl, whom I called Moonchild.

Same as the moon, her eyes seems mysterious that sometimes made me wonder how can I let her go...

Hell-o

2009-12-05T21:59:00.000-08:00

Been too busy with study...
don't know what to do...
hmm...
don't know what to tell actually...

SadNEss, DarKNess, inevITable YeT TemPtinNG

2009-07-23T06:58:00.000-07:00

PeOPle Says tHAt wE sHoUld LooK At The BrIghT sIghT Of lIfE...
Why iS tHat sO???

tO aVOid uS FroM AcTualLY BEing Sad, ConSumEd BY Our owN DarKsiDE...

YEt The truTH, YoU aLWayS knEw ThaT It is INEVITABLE FroM tHeM...

It'S aLwaYS tEMptINg yOu, to bE wIth iT...

iF yOu HavEn'T fEeL iT bEfORe, tRY iT...

itS, EXCITES .....

Peple At Work

2009-07-19T07:33:00.000-07:00

It was said by the research, that this new Influenza H1N1 originated for ordinary flu that was mutated by pigs cell that became different in which our body does not have any immunity toward it...

But then, the question remain in me is what is the reason this new disease emerge at this time when it could happen more early or later...

What do people think can be the real cause of this hazard??? We always points our finger to others to save ourself, maybe this is a remedy for our original sickness...

....SELFISHNESS....

Here Again

2009-07-10T07:52:00.000-07:00

Well, seems a while since I last updated my blog....
Too busy with preparation and works seems to make me think less or maybe think more these days...
Went back to my campus a bit late, but still, i do sometimes miss my fotress of solitude or others could say sanctuary....
There's some good things about my campus and me now....
The good things are I got a new laptop and a camera modelled canon 1000d....
I'm still newbie so I don't really take much pictures althought i should have started....
The next good thing is our campus has provide free wifi.... (yeah, that rules..)
But, its a bit slow...Then again, better have slow than nothing....
Now, maybe I can watch my drama???

Ahhhh..... I miss watching Horikita Maki..

Lazy...zzzzz

2009-07-01T06:31:00.000-07:00

To much happen last week, still too lazy to write bout anything...
except that a bit confused with the king of pop's death....

what confused me the most is at the end of his life, what religion is he in????
if he is truly Muslim that it would be best to called him by his new name but what if it isn't??

Then to think that his death too sudden, (i don't want to go against fate) but still, he has influence. what would happen if his change of religion could be a source of conspiracy???

well, i blowing my head up thinking about this, but i would say may he find peace in afterlife....

enough about king of pop....

i gotten a lot emotional this past weeks...
or maybe i was just getting to tense....
i don't know....

Aha... one of my mum's candidate for future in law(to her,not to me) are undergoing orientation in my campus....
she's lucky i wasn't being called there....
still i am lucky not going there instead i can laze around... bwahaha...muahahaha

2009-06-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

Can I...

Love you...
even if you don't know that i exist???
even if you heart is not mine to begin with???

to see your hand held by others, lips kissed by others, body hugged by others???

to feel this pain of missing you with every step that i take???
to feel the misery of watching your tear drop in front me???
to feel the agony of your sadness in me???

to notice the warmth that glow within your smile???

to sense the love within your laugh???

Can I Love You???

Ai Shi Teru....

2009-06-22T08:14:00.000-07:00

well, always do the reviews for past week than do daily...
to lazy to write anything actually...

last week review, hmm....
went to kl 3 times, well got some work to do, relative to visit and eat sushi that i miss a bit...

my cousin got submitted into the ward because of infection in her lungs, my feet hurt, watched more drama always...
hm...

i wonder what would i do without streaming site in uitm???
i NEED my drama, MAYBE???

PROLOGUE

2009-06-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

"I DON'T KNOW MUCH

I DON'T NEED TO KNOW MUCH

AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW MUCH

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW IT"

"I LOVE YOU......
EVEN I DON'T REALLY KNOW YOU....
I LOVE YOU......
EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME.....
I LOVE YOU......
WITH EVERY HEARTBEAT THAT I FEEL...
I LOVE YOU.....
WITH EVERY BREATHE THAT I TAKE....
I LOVE YOU....
BECAUSE I WANTED TO KNOW YOU MORE....
I LOVE YOU....
BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO KNOW ME MORE....
I LOVE YOU....
BECAUSE I WANTED TO SEE YOU SMILE....
I LOVE YOU....
BECAUSE I WANTED TO FEEL YOUR LAUGH, WIPE YOUR TEARS, FIGHT YOUR FEARS, AND ALWAYS, ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU....

PROLOGUE: - (UNKNOWN)
BUT.... CAN I LOVE YOU...."

to busy and to lazy

2009-06-13T09:22:00.000-07:00

well, a lot been happen but still a bit lazy to write anything...

got my result few days before, well, although didn't got what i want but at least its a bit relieving to know that i didn't fail...

as for summon, the jpj people said to me that i should wait a little longer...

also, been a bit addicted to drama lately, especially Japanese drama...

can't believe i finished watching 3 drama in 3 days....

well, some of them are good...

gotten a bit more this laziness syndrome...

damn...it is near the time of college to open...

phew...

2009-06-08T18:46:00.000-07:00

its been a while but i'll just summarize what happen last week...

1st june

been busy with catering and stuff, didn't got any time for surfing the net...

3rd june

busy preparing for the wedding order on the 6th...

5th june

Fuck.....
got my first 'saman' because i didn't stick the 'p' sticker on the van that i was driving...
well, my license might get taken for that...
my finger was injured by a damn table while sending the tables to the wedding place...
then the customer kept on arguing on the table placing,
and the worst thing is, my credit ran out when i called my mother eventhough she did not pickup the phone...
fuck that....

that is just a little slice of life........

feels like a dad...

2009-05-25T06:25:00.000-07:00

i had to take care my cousin for a while but then, i got the feeling of being a father...
scolding them, showing them what to do and ever change diaper...

well, the unfun part is that they are so noisy...

well, they quarrel a lot and then one of them would start to cry...

Lone and again

2009-05-23T09:45:00.000-07:00

i just came back from the beach actually, well driving for half an hour to get there wasn't really convenience. but still, its a place i need to go...

i need to feel it...

but then, in the end...

2nd day

2009-05-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

well, today wasn't really bad cause i got to buy the jeans that i wanted...
also got to buy some other stuff...

well, i still need to be careful with my budget as i sill got other plans for my money...

hm... hope i can withstand from overspending...

Kimi to no Ashita

2009-05-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

well, after searching for the lyrics, no wonder it hits me....

Original / Romaji Lyrics	English Translation
Guuzen jya nai futari deaeta no wa Zutto mae kara kimatteta unmei	It was no coincidence that we met For it's a destiny decided since long ago.
Me wo tojiru tabi sora wo miageru tabi ni Maboroshi no you na ano hibi ga yomigaeru	Whenever I close my eyes, whenever I look up at the sky, Memories of those mirage-like days come back to life.
Michi wa susumu tabi ni tooku naru Dakedo aruku yo kono mama	The end of the path grows further away with each step, But I will keep on walking just like this.
Hitotsu mo nokosazu wasuretakunai yo Yasashii kotoba mo aishita hitomi mo Shinjite ii yo ne? Mou ichido aeru to Namida wa sore made nagasanai kara	I don't want to forget you completely without a trace Not your gentle and kind words, nor those eyes that I loved. May I go on believing that we would meet once again? For that's the only way to stop the tears from flowing.
Guuzen jya nai futari deaeta no wa Zutto mae kara kawaranai unmei	It was no coincidence that we met For it's a destiny unchanged since long ago.
Kokoro kara kimi to mou ichido waraiaitai Kesshite kanawanu yume demo	With all my heart, I wish I could laugh with you once more. Even if it's a dream that'll never come true.
Watashi ni wa mieru kimi to no ashita ga Kimi ni mo wakaru yo itsu datte sou Kanarazu mamoru yo yakusoku shita kara Kanashii toki ni wa soba ni itai yo	I can see a tomorrow belonging to you and me And you see it too, don't you? For it has always been so. I'll guard you without fail, because I have promised to. I want to be at your side in times of sorrow too.
Guuzen jya nai futari deaeta no wa Zutto mae kara yume miteta unmei	It was no coincidence that we met For it's a destiny I see in dreams, since long ago.

well, thinking of it also makes me touched...
can you really live without the one you love???
how long are you willing to tell yourself that you would see that person again???
even if she lost forever???

Kimi to no Ashita

2009-05-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

wonder what that mean actually, but i'm still learning japanese so forgive me...
its actually the ending song for the anime fate/stay night...
the song was aired at the very last episode at it is very sad...

I love that songs because its kinda gave me this feeling of experiencing it...

i like the anime because... well, first the heroin is beautiful plus she rocks... totally...
second, the story is quite good although they change some of the history
(the heroin is called arthuria, king arthur is a girl???) plus they also have legendary heroes such as hercules and gilgamesh...

ah... reminds me of history lesson and also fairy tale books that i read...
man, i love history...

but still, the song touches me although i don't know why, but it always seem like the song hits me hard...

you can try look at it it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMTIDKVFa4M.
the video is not original but hear the music.

Langkawi trip

2009-05-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

well, i arrive at langkawi yesterday only 2 find that the place which was suppose to serve the best cendol turn out to be the worst i've had...

nothing much to do since it was the first day plus i had to drive from temeloh to Lcct before going on the plane...

plan on going around today after solat Jumaat...

hope i can do some survey for my next trip to langkawi and next time with my friends....

Tale

2009-05-18T22:48:00.000-07:00

This is a story of a boy who fell in love with a girl that later became a part of his life purpose...
Although he loved the girl, he could never find the words that he could say t0 him...he just kept his feeling inside...
For 2 years he lived by keeping his feeling until the time the had to depart...
He told her his love but rejected... Frustrated and desperate, he tried to push her over to accept but in the end, he was the one getting pushed away from her....

Now, he wanted to forget, but can he forget it. 3 years after the rejection, he still longs for her...

2009-05-18T22:36:00.000-07:00

it's weird when you know that the person that you want is with the odd of 1 over 500 people..

but then, its a relieve that you know the person of your dream existed with an odd of 1 over 1M...

but there is a question, given the person that you fall for and a girl of your dream falling for you, which should you pick???

which would you chase, the girl that you fall for or the girl of your dream???

Fantasies only

2009-05-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had an idea of making up stories about you and the person that always be in your mind???

Although lame, but that's one of the way for you to always remember that person...

i've always made up stories for every people that i really cared about but then, it would never got out from my head until it is forgotten...

every time i wanted to record it, disaster would happen that would eventually leave me devastated and dying...

it's good to really care about someone, but then the pain...

Change of heart

2009-05-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

i tried using someone else to change this deep thought inside me...
but then, it stroke me too much rather than sooth me...

now the face has drove me more and more toward the cliff of never ending insanity...

i'm losing my focus, i'm losing my mind(if i have any part of it left), i'm losing myself...

how does this happen to me...?

What's next...

2009-05-18T07:12:00.000-07:00

What would you feel when your sanity has lost and every inch of hope that you hold on seems that it never even existed...

When the people that you put everything into never gave you any that you want to...

After the sanity lost, whats left of me is this craze...

I've become more and more crazy...

My heart has become an empty hole...
with nothing only darkness, emptiness, sadness, and loneliness...

Its getting harder bearing it...Can someone end it???
Can I just forget it???

Can I just 'get over it'?

Should I just walk away from it..

Maki???

2009-05-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

Well, i know that i really love japanese anime, but now i started to like watching japanese drama as well..
thanks to her, mostly....

She is so kawaiii.........

man i'm dreaming...

Sanity???

2009-05-13T04:06:00.000-07:00

Can it be lost when you are walking through the deepest, darkest side of your heart???

Should it be reserved so that you won't lose control on yourself???

Would you discard it after holding into it, chained with it to keep you from being mad???

What can happen if it just flew away, away from you???

or If it is taken forcefully without your will???

What Would happen If that Should happen??? That Can happen!!!

Shift

2009-05-11T09:55:00.000-07:00

i tried again after a while i stopped...
the best cure for heart broke maybe time... just maybe...

some says shift your attention to other...
will it work, i don't know but i'l try....

Maybe???

2009-05-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

Because of my heartbreak it felt this way???

Because of my loneliness, my thought got away from me???

Because my own thinking, I closed my senses???

Because i never see myself deeply, I lost it forever???

Leave Me!!! Let It be!!

2009-05-09T20:03:00.000-07:00

it pains more to feel than just to see that people sometimes would be more selfish as you become aware to it....

and most of the time it takes more than you can handle to see it through...

would cry to see that when people that you even care can turn their back away??

would you walk thousands of miles just to see the one you love??

would you give everything for only their care???

would you CHOOSE between friends ad love???

I can only say YES for only three...

The rest they will determine themselves....

Come to me love

2009-05-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

I've remember a song from evanescence:

"Hold on to me love....
You know i can't stay long...
All i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid...."

Well, for a moment it sound a bit like an idiot fall to much in love with the loved one...
Not knowing that i am one of the idiot that fall in love with a girl that can never be mine....
Slowly, i've kept this feeling, and now i can never let it go...
Should i let it go??
Should i just walk away??

Would You

2009-04-28T06:41:00.000-07:00

Risk something precious for the most certainly unknown??
- Change the way you look into yourself??
- Change the friends that matter the most to you??
- Change the way you love??

Sacrifice to rediscover something??
Sacrifice to re feel the sensation??
Sacrifice to feel the same heartbeat, the same pulse, the same breath, and even the same whisper of the wind on your ears when you where at the top of your own world?
look back again after trying so hard to let it go?
stood up again when your alone?
remember what you have forsaken?

Would You

2009-04-21T10:15:00.001-07:00

HumanForSale.com - Erin's Wrinkle Success

2009-04-21T10:00:00.001-07:00

Gay-Test.com - How gay am I?

2009-04-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

Free-IQTest.net - IQ Test

Target

2009-04-18T08:03:00.000-07:00

know your target is, least to be know... Name.. adapt stealth in action....
acquire the as much info as possible on the target....
be unnoticeable to both target and the surrounding....
never attract unnecessary attention!!!! if that ever happen, utilize it, use it smartly...
use as distraction from surrounding and also as cover...

Stealth

2009-04-17T01:12:00.000-07:00

an important factor of the mysterious and yet frightening act...
use the surrounding well, be as visible as wind yet able to struck as lightening...
dark doesn't mean that you are not seen and white doesn't seem visible enough sometimes...
keep identity as low as ground and less visible...

preview next:
note the target movement and behaviour

always in memories

2009-04-16T19:16:00.000-07:00

we had a tahlil for my late grandfather last night... it has been more than 4 month he has gone but still, in some moment i still remember it clearly, the moment... that moment as i walked into the ward...
the feeling i tried to understand at that moment, made me a bit rush to see that i had actually missed something...
shall the guilt that i breed inside will always be inside?

home and alone

2009-04-14T17:16:00.000-07:00

its been dull just sitting in front of the monitor playing old games, doing the same thing. luckily my uncles coming back for some family matters...
its good to be back in my granma's village.... not so of a village though, still i can get enough oxygen for my head...and i starting to get more inspiration for writing....
like my friends like to laugh, muahahahaha.... (villainously)

wind of change?

2009-03-01T19:26:00.000-08:00

significantly also means time to change or a change of heart....
which is better???
can you forget something dear to you or forgive yourself easily when the one hurt the most is yourself in every decision you made.....
can you gamble everything your pair of A on your hand when third A is on the table in a poker game????
would you lose everything for something that maybe a chance for you to find yourself???

home....

2009-02-20T07:33:00.000-08:00

well, got home but still doesn't lose this empty feeling inside...
what is it that i want???

blooooodd

2009-02-11T05:10:00.000-08:00

i'm writing in red same as the blood colour....
it was my first time donating blood and to my surprise, it wasn't painful.
well, my head and body do feel light all of a sudden, but still....
maybe the blood i gave was suppose to go to my head because after that, i didn't think when i talked with my friends...
gomenne....
maybe hurt their feeling a bit (or a lot)....
but i feel good after all of that....
:-)

The Call

2009-01-19T20:12:00.000-08:00

-actually i didn't want to call her except for the time when i am sad, depressed, hurt or miss her too much....
-so that her voice can be the remedy that heals my heart when i'm down...

-i don't really meant to see her everyday
-so that when i do i can always have things to say

-i wanted to use sms only when i'm in touch with her...
-so that she would not know what i really think of her....

-its hard to conceal myself
-also the feeling i have....

=i called her cause her phone can't receive any of my sms and i was worried bout her....
still glad cause the call had actually helped her and also ease myself....

2009-01-19T20:07:00.000-08:00

hate all this work..
kinda stressed out cuz can't really concentrate on my stuff..
and i just found a group of people with common interest....
all these proposal are killing me slowly...

also there are s lot of assignment to be done next...
there goes my cny....

1 year older and 1 year near death....

2008-12-31T22:12:00.000-08:00

its my birthday...
yeah 1st of january....
and what the heck???
no one remembers!!!!
ah... let them be...
at least some of them knew....
going home for a while...
hmm,....the urge of gaming is on....

hmm..here and bored...

2008-12-27T03:04:00.000-08:00

arrived at 4 in the afternoon and found out that only few are back...
got nothing 2 do...
shit, bored 2 death...
got no appetite also....
bored

going back...

2008-12-26T18:50:00.000-08:00

need to register 4 campus tomorrow,hmm..... hope that something good would happen this sem...

happy birthday...

2008-12-11T06:24:00.000-08:00

wow that look delicious...

whose is it???? not mine..

happy birthday pops...

hope you will happier this year...

althoght i prefer tiramisu, but orange cake is nice...

finally

2008-12-09T07:06:00.000-08:00

after sooooo long finally can surf the net...
damn, to much has happen and not too much i've remembered....
but half my holidays are full with fun and slacking off....
hmmmm, wonder how will i do after all this???

mysteries in life......

say what???

2008-11-10T23:19:00.000-08:00

nice study plan...
went by the lake, study a while and then hit the road to starbucks.....
and exam was the day after that....
way 2 go guys....
well i was into it too, so nothing much 2 say....
hope only my result aren't bad...

feeling down? feeling sad???

2008-11-02T22:04:00.002-08:00

then throw urself in the lake...
not kidding, do it..
my friends and i threw ourself in the lake yesterday....
sound stupid but its fun to do.....

"i can't swim..."
that's not an excuse, go with your friends, have fun and break some rule....

luckily the guards weren't around when we did it....

first we played in the rain, havin soaked in it, we wonder about the lake....
the lake water was warm when rain comes.. and it was really fun...

"rain always come, we scared of it.... but, take your friends to dance in the rhythm of the rain and know that its fun to be with it... TOGETHER"

-tsubasa-

2008-11-02T22:04:00.000-08:00

2008-10-29T01:20:00.000-07:00

lost my bag 3 days ago but still, i don't feel really pressured. need 2 study hard now b4 the exam starts.... hmmm....
bored at here, also bored at home. just played port royale 2....
ah....once again the title masters of the seas will be mine.....

2008-10-13T19:45:00.001-07:00

sometimes we hurt the one we love but in the same time we hurt ourself....
i've always lied 2 myself but i nver wantd 2 actually.people do see me smile....
my heart has always cried, but i always cheat other bout it...

2008-10-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

bored, got nothing 2 do but thinking of my life and others. with nothing that can really please us, with each victor comes expectation, thinking of own without other, and life is like a drama they say.... this may be my rumbling, but we should think,, people nowadays think more of other than themselves or do they???

This I Promise You

2008-10-07T19:59:00.000-07:00