Hell-o

Been too busy with study...
don't know what to do...
hmm...
don't know what to tell actually...

SadNEss, DarKNess, inevITable YeT TemPtinNG

PeOPle Says tHAt wE sHoUld LooK At The BrIghT sIghT Of lIfE...
Why iS tHat sO???

tO aVOid uS FroM AcTualLY BEing Sad, ConSumEd BY Our owN DarKsiDE...

YEt The truTH, YoU aLWayS knEw ThaT It is INEVITABLE FroM tHeM...

It'S aLwaYS tEMptINg yOu, to bE wIth iT...

iF yOu HavEn'T fEeL iT bEfORe, tRY iT...

itS, EXCITES .....

Peple At Work

It was said by the research, that this new Influenza H1N1 originated for ordinary flu that was mutated by pigs cell that became different in which our body does not have any immunity toward it...

But then, the question remain in me is what is the reason this new disease emerge at this time when it could happen more early or later...

What do people think can be the real cause of this hazard??? We always points our finger to others to save ourself, maybe this is a remedy for our original sickness...

....SELFISHNESS....

Here Again

Well, seems a while since I last updated my blog....
Too busy with preparation and works seems to make me think less or maybe think more these days...
Went back to my campus a bit late, but still, i do sometimes miss my fotress of solitude or others could say sanctuary....
There's some good things about my campus and me now....
The good things are I got a new laptop and a camera modelled canon 1000d....
I'm still newbie so I don't really take much pictures althought i should have started....
The next good thing is our campus has provide free wifi.... (yeah, that rules..)
But, its a bit slow...Then again, better have slow than nothing....
Now, maybe I can watch my drama???

Ahhhh..... I miss watching Horikita Maki..

Lazy...zzzzz

To much happen last week, still too lazy to write bout anything...
except that a bit confused with the king of pop's death....

what confused me the most is at the end of his life, what religion is he in????
if he is truly Muslim that it would be best to called him by his new name but what if it isn't??

Then to think that his death too sudden, (i don't want to go against fate) but still, he has influence. what would happen if his change of religion could be a source of conspiracy???

well, i blowing my head up thinking about this, but i would say may he find peace in afterlife....

enough about king of pop....

i gotten a lot emotional this past weeks...
or maybe i was just getting to tense....
i don't know....


Aha... one of my mum's candidate for future in law(to her,not to me) are undergoing orientation in my campus....
she's lucky i wasn't being called there....
still i am lucky not going there instead i can laze around... bwahaha...muahahaha

Can I...

Love you...
even if you don't know that i exist???
even if you heart is not mine to begin with???

to see your hand held by others, lips kissed by others, body hugged by others???

to feel this pain of missing you with every step that i take???
to feel the misery of watching your tear drop in front me???
to feel the agony of your sadness in me???

to notice the warmth that glow within your smile???

to sense the love within your laugh???

Can I Love You???

Ai Shi Teru....

well, always do the reviews for past week than do daily...
to lazy to write anything actually...

last week review, hmm....
went to kl 3 times, well got some work to do, relative to visit and eat sushi that i miss a bit...

my cousin got submitted into the ward because of infection in her lungs, my feet hurt, watched more drama always...
hm...

i wonder what would i do without streaming site in uitm???
i NEED my drama, MAYBE???

PROLOGUE

"I DON'T KNOW MUCH

I DON'T NEED TO KNOW MUCH

AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW MUCH

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW IT"


"I LOVE YOU......
EVEN I DON'T REALLY KNOW YOU....
I LOVE YOU......
EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME.....
I LOVE YOU......
WITH EVERY HEARTBEAT THAT I FEEL...
I LOVE YOU.....
WITH EVERY BREATHE THAT I TAKE....
I LOVE YOU....
BECAUSE I WANTED TO KNOW YOU MORE....
I LOVE YOU....
BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO KNOW ME MORE....
I LOVE YOU....
BECAUSE I WANTED TO SEE YOU SMILE....
I LOVE YOU....
BECAUSE I WANTED TO FEEL YOUR LAUGH, WIPE YOUR TEARS, FIGHT YOUR FEARS, AND ALWAYS, ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU....


PROLOGUE: - (UNKNOWN)
BUT.... CAN I LOVE YOU...."

to busy and to lazy

well, a lot been happen but still a bit lazy to write anything...

got my result few days before, well, although didn't got what i want but at least its a bit relieving to know that i didn't fail...

as for summon, the jpj people said to me that i should wait a little longer...

also, been a bit addicted to drama lately, especially Japanese drama...

can't believe i finished watching 3 drama in 3 days....

well, some of them are good...

gotten a bit more this laziness syndrome...

damn...it is near the time of college to open...

phew...

its been a while but i'll just summarize what happen last week...

1st june

been busy with catering and stuff, didn't got any time for surfing the net...

3rd june

busy preparing for the wedding order on the 6th...

5th june

Fuck.....
got my first 'saman' because i didn't stick the 'p' sticker on the van that i was driving...
well, my license might get taken for that...
my finger was injured by a damn table while sending the tables to the wedding place...
then the customer kept on arguing on the table placing,
and the worst thing is, my credit ran out when i called my mother eventhough she did not pickup the phone...
fuck that....

that is just a little slice of life........

feels like a dad...

i had to take care my cousin for a while but then, i got the feeling of being a father...
scolding them, showing them what to do and ever change diaper...

well, the unfun part is that they are so noisy...

well, they quarrel a lot and then one of them would start to cry...

Lone and again

i just came back from the beach actually, well driving for half an hour to get there wasn't really convenience. but still, its a place i need to go...

i need to feel it...

but then, in the end...

2nd day

well, today wasn't really bad cause i got to buy the jeans that i wanted...
also got to buy some other stuff...

well, i still need to be careful with my budget as i sill got other plans for my money...

hm... hope i can withstand from overspending...

Kimi to no Ashita

well, after searching for the lyrics, no wonder it hits me....

Original / Romaji Lyrics	English Translation
Guuzen jya nai futari deaeta no wa Zutto mae kara kimatteta unmei	It was no coincidence that we met For it's a destiny decided since long ago.
Me wo tojiru tabi sora wo miageru tabi ni Maboroshi no you na ano hibi ga yomigaeru	Whenever I close my eyes, whenever I look up at the sky, Memories of those mirage-like days come back to life.
Michi wa susumu tabi ni tooku naru Dakedo aruku yo kono mama	The end of the path grows further away with each step, But I will keep on walking just like this.
Hitotsu mo nokosazu wasuretakunai yo Yasashii kotoba mo aishita hitomi mo Shinjite ii yo ne? Mou ichido aeru to Namida wa sore made nagasanai kara	I don't want to forget you completely without a trace Not your gentle and kind words, nor those eyes that I loved. May I go on believing that we would meet once again? For that's the only way to stop the tears from flowing.
Guuzen jya nai futari deaeta no wa Zutto mae kara kawaranai unmei	It was no coincidence that we met For it's a destiny unchanged since long ago.
Kokoro kara kimi to mou ichido waraiaitai Kesshite kanawanu yume demo	With all my heart, I wish I could laugh with you once more. Even if it's a dream that'll never come true.
Watashi ni wa mieru kimi to no ashita ga Kimi ni mo wakaru yo itsu datte sou Kanarazu mamoru yo yakusoku shita kara Kanashii toki ni wa soba ni itai yo	I can see a tomorrow belonging to you and me And you see it too, don't you? For it has always been so. I'll guard you without fail, because I have promised to. I want to be at your side in times of sorrow too.
Guuzen jya nai futari deaeta no wa Zutto mae kara yume miteta unmei	It was no coincidence that we met For it's a destiny I see in dreams, since long ago.

well, thinking of it also makes me touched...
can you really live without the one you love???
how long are you willing to tell yourself that you would see that person again???
even if she lost forever???

Kimi to no Ashita

wonder what that mean actually, but i'm still learning japanese so forgive me...
its actually the ending song for the anime fate/stay night...
the song was aired at the very last episode at it is very sad...

I love that songs because its kinda gave me this feeling of experiencing it...

i like the anime because... well, first the heroin is beautiful plus she rocks... totally...
second, the story is quite good although they change some of the history
(the heroin is called arthuria, king arthur is a girl???) plus they also have legendary heroes such as hercules and gilgamesh...

ah... reminds me of history lesson and also fairy tale books that i read...
man, i love history...

but still, the song touches me although i don't know why, but it always seem like the song hits me hard...

you can try look at it it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMTIDKVFa4M.
the video is not original but hear the music.

Langkawi trip

well, i arrive at langkawi yesterday only 2 find that the place which was suppose to serve the best cendol turn out to be the worst i've had...

nothing much to do since it was the first day plus i had to drive from temeloh to Lcct before going on the plane...

plan on going around today after solat Jumaat...

hope i can do some survey for my next trip to langkawi and next time with my friends....

Tale

This is a story of a boy who fell in love with a girl that later became a part of his life purpose...
Although he loved the girl, he could never find the words that he could say t0 him...he just kept his feeling inside...
For 2 years he lived by keeping his feeling until the time the had to depart...
He told her his love but rejected... Frustrated and desperate, he tried to push her over to accept but in the end, he was the one getting pushed away from her....

Now, he wanted to forget, but can he forget it. 3 years after the rejection, he still longs for her...

it's weird when you know that the person that you want is with the odd of 1 over 500 people..

but then, its a relieve that you know the person of your dream existed with an odd of 1 over 1M...

but there is a question, given the person that you fall for and a girl of your dream falling for you, which should you pick???


which would you chase, the girl that you fall for or the girl of your dream???

Fantasies only

Have you ever had an idea of making up stories about you and the person that always be in your mind???

Although lame, but that's one of the way for you to always remember that person...

i've always made up stories for every people that i really cared about but then, it would never got out from my head until it is forgotten...

every time i wanted to record it, disaster would happen that would eventually leave me devastated and dying...

it's good to really care about someone, but then the pain...

Change of heart

i tried using someone else to change this deep thought inside me...
but then, it stroke me too much rather than sooth me...

now the face has drove me more and more toward the cliff of never ending insanity...

i'm losing my focus, i'm losing my mind(if i have any part of it left), i'm losing myself...

how does this happen to me...?

What's next...

What would you feel when your sanity has lost and every inch of hope that you hold on seems that it never even existed...

When the people that you put everything into never gave you any that you want to...


After the sanity lost, whats left of me is this craze...

I've become more and more crazy...

My heart has become an empty hole...
with nothing only darkness, emptiness, sadness, and loneliness...

Its getting harder bearing it...Can someone end it???
Can I just forget it???

Can I just 'get over it'?

Should I just walk away from it..

Maki???

Well, i know that i really love japanese anime, but now i started to like watching japanese drama as well..
thanks to her, mostly....

She is so kawaiii.........

man i'm dreaming...

Sanity???

Can it be lost when you are walking through the deepest, darkest side of your heart???

Should it be reserved so that you won't lose control on yourself???

Would you discard it after holding into it, chained with it to keep you from being mad???

What can happen if it just flew away, away from you???

or If it is taken forcefully without your will???

What Would happen If that Should happen??? That Can happen!!!

Shift

i tried again after a while i stopped...
the best cure for heart broke maybe time... just maybe...

some says shift your attention to other...
will it work, i don't know but i'l try....

Maybe???

Because of my heartbreak it felt this way???

Because of my loneliness, my thought got away from me???


Because my own thinking, I closed my senses???

Because i never see myself deeply, I lost it forever???

Leave Me!!! Let It be!!

it pains more to feel than just to see that people sometimes would be more selfish as you become aware to it....

and most of the time it takes more than you can handle to see it through...

would cry to see that when people that you even care can turn their back away??

would you walk thousands of miles just to see the one you love??

would you give everything for only their care???

would you CHOOSE between friends ad love???

I can only say YES for only three...

The rest they will determine themselves....

Come to me love

I've remember a song from evanescence:

"Hold on to me love....
You know i can't stay long...
All i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid...."

Well, for a moment it sound a bit like an idiot fall to much in love with the loved one...
Not knowing that i am one of the idiot that fall in love with a girl that can never be mine....
Slowly, i've kept this feeling, and now i can never let it go...
Should i let it go??
Should i just walk away??

Would You

Risk something precious for the most certainly unknown??
- Change the way you look into yourself??
- Change the friends that matter the most to you??
- Change the way you love??

Sacrifice to rediscover something??
Sacrifice to re feel the sensation??
Sacrifice to feel the same heartbeat, the same pulse, the same breath, and even the same whisper of the wind on your ears when you where at the top of your own world?
look back again after trying so hard to let it go?
stood up again when your alone?
remember what you have forsaken?

Would You

HumanForSale.com - Erin's Wrinkle Success

Gay-Test.com - How gay am I?

Free-IQTest.net - IQ Test

Target

know your target is, least to be know... Name.. adapt stealth in action....
acquire the as much info as possible on the target....
be unnoticeable to both target and the surrounding....
never attract unnecessary attention!!!! if that ever happen, utilize it, use it smartly...
use as distraction from surrounding and also as cover...

Stealth

an important factor of the mysterious and yet frightening act...
use the surrounding well, be as visible as wind yet able to struck as lightening...
dark doesn't mean that you are not seen and white doesn't seem visible enough sometimes...
keep identity as low as ground and less visible...

preview next:
note the target movement and behaviour

always in memories

we had a tahlil for my late grandfather last night... it has been more than 4 month he has gone but still, in some moment i still remember it clearly, the moment... that moment as i walked into the ward...
the feeling i tried to understand at that moment, made me a bit rush to see that i had actually missed something...
shall the guilt that i breed inside will always be inside?

home and alone

its been dull just sitting in front of the monitor playing old games, doing the same thing. luckily my uncles coming back for some family matters...
its good to be back in my granma's village.... not so of a village though, still i can get enough oxygen for my head...and i starting to get more inspiration for writing....
like my friends like to laugh, muahahahaha.... (villainously)

wind of change?

significantly also means time to change or a change of heart....
which is better???
can you forget something dear to you or forgive yourself easily when the one hurt the most is yourself in every decision you made.....
can you gamble everything your pair of A on your hand when third A is on the table in a poker game????
would you lose everything for something that maybe a chance for you to find yourself???

home....

well, got home but still doesn't lose this empty feeling inside...
what is it that i want???

blooooodd

i'm writing in red same as the blood colour....
it was my first time donating blood and to my surprise, it wasn't painful.
well, my head and body do feel light all of a sudden, but still....
maybe the blood i gave was suppose to go to my head because after that, i didn't think when i talked with my friends...
gomenne....
maybe hurt their feeling a bit (or a lot)....
but i feel good after all of that....
:-)

The Call

-actually i didn't want to call her except for the time when i am sad, depressed, hurt or miss her too much....
-so that her voice can be the remedy that heals my heart when i'm down...

-i don't really meant to see her everyday
-so that when i do i can always have things to say

-i wanted to use sms only when i'm in touch with her...
-so that she would not know what i really think of her....

-its hard to conceal myself
-also the feeling i have....

=i called her cause her phone can't receive any of my sms and i was worried bout her....
still glad cause the call had actually helped her and also ease myself....

hate all this work..
kinda stressed out cuz can't really concentrate on my stuff..
and i just found a group of people with common interest....
all these proposal are killing me slowly...

also there are s lot of assignment to be done next...
there goes my cny....